How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize