Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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