Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
last night I used snow as a chaser
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