I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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