Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
