glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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