Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
