Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
