Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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