Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
