apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
