I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
