I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
