PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
