3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
