i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
