I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
