So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
