Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
