He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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