We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
