so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
