Sry I called you an 8
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How does one acquire holy water?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
