i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
