how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
