My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize