Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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