one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
