I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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