i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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