idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Shame is for Republicans.
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