i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
