Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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