They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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