Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
