I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
