It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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