watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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