The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
