if you like me you must not know who I am
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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