I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
