i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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