sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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