weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
