It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
