I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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