Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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