The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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