he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
