having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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