here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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