I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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