I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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