and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My penis needs a shock collar
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
