I want to have your abortion
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
