discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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