We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
