I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So here I am, sexting at work.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
