Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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