Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
