Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize