I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
