Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
