He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
