Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
