she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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