so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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