So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize