im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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