She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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