I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
