Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
