So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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