did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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