We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
