I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
