I feel great
I just peed on a car
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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