Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
