I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
