yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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