You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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