guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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