"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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