You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
