sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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