***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
