first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
