i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
