i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
