Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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