I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize