the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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