end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
