i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's shark week go big or go home
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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