remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
