well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
