Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
