Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
