ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
