You just made me feel so damn special
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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