screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
