I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
