So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize