OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
