Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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