; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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