i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
