Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
