she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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