i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
