I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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