I think I died a long time ago.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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