its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
