so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
