You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
