Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
