I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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